Surrendering to Joy
In the face of the COVID-19 pandemic, I’d become what startup lingo calls the “wartime CEO,” and made the tough choice to pause operations of my organization, #movethedial. After pausing operations and not having meetings to run to or calls to make, I realized it was the first time in my 20+ year professional career that I gave myself space to consider my life, desires, and vision. That space helped me think consciously about how I wanted to emerge from the pandemic, and it ended up becoming the inspiration for Joyful Sundays.
With the space to reflect on my journey, I was reminded of two life stories that helped me understand what it means to surrender to joy, though I didn’t have those words at the time.
A girl on a train
I was lucky enough to study abroad in Italy during undergrad over 20 years ago, and I had a Eurail pass to see other countries in Europe. On one trip to Prague, I noticed a beautiful violin. I’d played violin as a kid, and on impulse decided to buy it and re-learn how to play. It wasn’t until I got back on the train that I realized I’d spent all my remaining money on that violin. I had 10 days left in my trip and no money for food or hostels.
About half way through the train ride, feeling angry, sad, and scared, I decided that I would simply tell myself that it was going to be alright. I didn’t know how, but I chose to believe in my heart that a solution would come and that I was going to be ok. To trust, rather than fear.
A little while later, an older gentleman sat in the same passenger car as me. He saw my violin, asked if I played, and then asked if I would be willing to play for him. I hadn’t played in many years so I was not that good, but agreed and began to play one of the only songs I knew. To my surprise, the man started crying. He said that his mother used to play that song for him, and then shared that he lost his mother during WWII, along with much of his family.
We continued to talk after I finished playing, and I shared more about my trip while he told me about his life. Just before the man got off the train, he insisted on giving me a gift as a thank you for playing my violin for him. He handed me an envelope. I could not believe it, but in the envelope was just enough money to pay for my food, accommodation, and get me home. I was so touched by his warmth and couldn’t imagine that kind of thing ever happening again, but to this day I think about that man and how kind he was to me, a total stranger, the moment I decided to trust and have faith.
Two wolves
I’ve been practising yoga for many years, and after a class a few years ago I bought a book that contained the story of the Two Wolves. A dear friend Jeff Fettes reminded me of this story in 2018. In each of us exists two wolves: one driven by ego and anger while the other is driven by calmness, consciousness, and peace. The reality is that we can never get rid of either of these wolves, much as some days we might want to. However, we can choose which one we feed with our conscious thoughts and energy. The more we choose to focus on anger or personal hurt, the more our ego-driven wolf takes over. On the flip side, choosing to engage with peace and consciousness feeds the other wolf inside of us.
Perhaps the most difficult part of this story is not understanding it, but acting on it. When things get tough, it’s so easy to jump to anger – it’s part of our fight-or-flight human response. What we really need to do, though, is feed the side of us that craves and values peace and consciousness.
It’s difficult because it’s hard to believe that things will work out when it feels like everything is going wrong. However, that’s when we need to have faith the most.
Surrendering to joy
Fast forward to the present, and I’m taking meditation teaching classes to deepen my own practice along with getting back to yoga. I was inspired by a teacher to find a mantra for this time, and the concept of “surrendering to joy” came to me. Surrendering to joy is the concept of actively choosing to believe that joy is around you and available to you, and that it comes easiest when you stop trying to attain it.
Through my practice, I’ve learned the power of having a mantra – something you repeat to yourself to help guide your thoughts and actions. It’s not intended to be religious, though many religions have mantras. Instead, it’s the conscious choice you make to feed the wolf defined by peace, consciousness, and faith.
At my best and worst times, surrendering to joy is what got me through, though I didn’t have the precise language until recently. Whatever you call it, though, my hope is that it helps you identify what kind of person you want to be when this pandemic is all over. We’re at an interesting time in our society where many long-entrenched rules are being rewritten, and we all have the opportunity to surrender to joy.
